Title: Averting Armageddon
For: vegetariansushi and special_trille. I love you both so bloody much.
Disclaimer: I don't know any of these people -- it's just a lucid fever-dream.
Note: Although this scene stands alone, it contains spoilers for the Captain Obvious series, The Art of Intimidation, that's currently one of my works in progress. This scene is not part of The Art of Intimidation storyline.
INT. MOUNTAIN HIDE-OUT OF ULTIMATE DOOM. NIGHT.
Captain Obvious is lashed to a pillar, which is situated right in front of a viewscreen showing a GIANT SPACE CANNON as it slowly rotates into position.
The Captain struggles vainly with the bonds of purple elastisteel wrapped tightly around his mostly-bare torso.
You'll never get away with this, Lash!
Au contraire, Captain. By the time my space cannon is done with you, you'll be nothing but a smear of soot on my floor!
You're forgetting that I'm invulnerable! Your cannon is useless against me! But if you release me from these insidious bonds now, I promise I'll go easy on you.
Lash cracks her whip-like tail, hitting the Captain's face. It raises a welt near the corner of his mouth, and the edge of his lip bleeds a little.
Now where's the fun in that?
The Captain licks at the corner of his mouth and, at the taste of his own blood, his eyes widen in fear.
Lash traces around the Captain's considerable pectoral muscle with the tip of her tail.
Yes, Captain. As you can see, your secret weakness isn't so secret anymore!
The Captain stares down at Lash's tail moving over his skin.
Such a waste. If only you were evil.
And we CUT TO a CLOSE UP as The Captain's nostrils flair.
You know, that's a really impressive tail, Mistress Lash. I've never seen such a responsive nerve-twitch trigger before.
Lash fondles her tail, looking pleased at the compliment.
You sweet talker!
(smiles his best smile)
Just telling it like it is, Mistress. I bet the surgery hurt like a sonofabitch, didn't it?
Lash visibly melts beneath the Captain's smile.
(smiles back coyly)
Of course, silly!
Good to know. Actually, I've been thinking of getting some enhancements myself. Who's your cybernetics supplier?
I always use Dr Insanity. He's the only real contender in biomechanicals since MechanEvil foolishly allowed himself to be trapped in dimension X.
Lash leans closer--almost close enough to kiss--and tweaks the Captain's nipple with the tip of her tail.
That was naughty of you. He was one of my best minions.
Hnnnn. He wasn't worthy of you, Mistress.
I know. Dr Insanity is much more innovative.
But doesn't it bother you? Being completely in the power of someone with all that, um, hardware? And, I mean, isn't Dr Insanity kind of...
(arches an eyebrow as her tail works its way into the Captain's uniform)
(ignores the tail)
What on earth gave you that idea? Surely not his nom de plume, Captain?
Mistress Lash's tail is now a sinuous line beneath the remaining lycra of the Captain's shredded uniform, wiggling its way towards the Captain's groin.
(begins to pant)
That was kind of my first clue, yes.
In that case, perhaps I should be looking for something obvious about you, hmm?
Her tail wraps around the Captain's considerable erection.
The Captain tenses, his eyes going wide.
CUT TO the ceiling behind Lash's left shoulder, as a trapdoor opens in the ceiling and a lycra-clad figure drops silently to the floor. It is THE DOODLE.
The Doodle is covered in Giant-Killer-Octopus ink, several strands of Goo-of-Infinite-Stickiness, a dozen or so crochet needles, and what looks like a splodge of mustard right on the crotch of his uniform.
CLOSE UP on the Doodle's face, which is wearing an expression of icy fury.
(to Captain Obvious)
I left you alone for two minutes!
Lash spins around and tries to whip her tail out of the Captain's clothing, but it's stuck. She scrabbles for her side-arm.
She points and fires the gun at The Doodle, who deflects the ray with a mental shield. The shot ricochets and hits Lash right between the eyes.
Lash lets out a little, "eep," and folds up into a heap on the floor.
I cooked! I cleaned! I changed the fucking sheets on my bed! And what do you do?
The Doodle points accusingly at the tail still trapped in the ruined remains of the Captain's uniform.
Sweat breaks out on the Captain's forehead as he stares at the Doodle's loaded finger, which is pointed right at his groin.
I can explain!
(crosses his arms)
This should be good.
I was playing for time! She knows my secret weakness! She was going to laser me from space using anti-matter from an alternate universe that would have disintegrated me into my component atoms!
The Captain gestures frantically at the viewscreen with his chin. The giant space cannon glints sinisterly in the starlight.
Playing for time? She had her tail wrapped around your dick!
She's a villain, Doodle. She didn't ask my permission to feel me up! She just did it!
You were hard! You're still hard!
The Doodle stares accusingly at the Captain's quite magnificent erection, which is still wrapped up in Lash's tail. Beneath the Doodle's gaze, the Captain's cock twitches noticeably.
And we CUT TO a CLOSE UP as The Captain's nostrils flair.
Did you take care of the guards?
The Captain tugs at his bonds, his muscles visibly rippling beneath the holes in his uniform. He smiles his best smile.
Grape-flavoured elastisteel. I'm totally helpless.
The Doodle glares.
I'm not that easy, you bastard!
The Captain continues to smile.
The Doodle continues to glower.
Don't you want to teach me a lesson I'll never forget?
The Doodle manages to hold out for another few seconds, then he takes a step forward, yanks Lash's tail out of the Captain's pants, and drops to his knees.
Okay, so I am that easy. But if I ever catch you fooling around on me when there's no convenient giant space cannon pointed at you, I'm going to turn evil and become your nemesis. Just so you know.
The Doodle points at the remains of the Captain's uniform and they split apart and fall away from his body.
Fair enough, as long as you understand...
The Doodle starts giving the Captain a tongue lashing.
... god yes, Doodle... that it goes both ways... and if you ever cheat on me... jesus, how do you do that?... I'll... oh yes...I'll... don't stop... I'll... I'll break the world... oh god, just like that... into a billion... fucking... pieces... please god, Elijah, don't ever fucking stop...