cupidsbow (cupidsbow) wrote,

Slash Fic: TMI

Title: TMI
Author: cupidsbow
Pairing: EW/OB, LotR RPS
Rating: M
Length: 1,100 words
For: This is for special_trille. Because I can be a meanie too.
Disclaimer: I don’t know any of these people—it’s just a lucid fever-dream.
Summary: The boys put a new spin on an old game.

Notes: Yes, I know I said I wasn't going to try to drabble any more. I guess I'm incorrigible.



Billy set the bottle in motion. It turned in three lazy circles and slowed to a stop, ending up pointing just to the left of Orlando.

Orlando eyed the bottle warily, then lifted an inquiring eyebrow at Billy.

"Truth, dare or TMI?" Billy asked.

"Let me guess," Dom muttered. "Not truth."

"Orlando's an international man of mystery, don't you know," said Elijah.

Sean started to laughed and inhaled a mouthful of coke; Elijah leaned over and pounded him on the back.

"Or perhaps Orlando has something to hide?" Billy suggested. "A deep, dark, perverted secret."

Orlando just smiled. "I choose TMI."

"Brave man," said Dom. "The last time Billy beat me at Too Much Information, he made me clean his bathroom with a toothbrush."

"And you're a better man for it, too." Billy waved graciously at Orlando. "Ready when you are, Mr Bloom."

Orlando took a thoughtful swig of beer, and then fixed his gaze on Sean. "When I watched The Goonies, I cried like a baby."

"Nice opening," Dom commented to Elijah. "A bit naff, and slightly implausible, which means it could be entirely true."

Elijah nodded. "And you notice that he didn't say what it was that made him cry, just that it was while he was watching the movie."

Sean recovered his breath enough to gasp out, "I thought you hadn't seen The Goonies."

If possible, Orlando's body language got even more relaxed. "Got it out on video a couple of weeks ago."

"Nice save," said Elijah.

Dom shook his head. "Reduced credibility."

"Hmmm," said Billy. "Next?"

Orlando looked at Dom. "At Karl's party the other night, I watched Dom take a slash in the bushes. I think he has a pretty cock." His eyes flicked just slightly to the left as he said the words pretty cock.

Billy wondered if that was a genuine tell, or an act.

"The big guns!" Elijah said. "It's kinda pervy, but then, Orli has been known to be kinda pervy in the past."

"You looked at my cock?" Dom said, sounding like he wasn't sure whether he should be flattered or shocked.

"That's the question, isn't it?" said Billy, watching carefully. Orlando seemed to be genuinely verging on drunk, but it wouldn't do to underestimate him, given the stakes. "Next?"

Orlando stared Billy right in the eyes. "That pot-plant of yours? It was me who puked on it that time."

"Oh! Bravo," said Dom, clapping in appreciation. "Brave ploy."

"Cunning," said Sean, with overplayed respect. "Billy might choose that one, just to be able to definitely rule Orli off the list of suspects."

"Unless that's the true statement," said Elijah. "In which case, it's not cunning so much as suicidal."

Billy narrowed his eyes, but Orlando didn't even twitch in response. Just grinned at Billy and took another sip of beer.

"And the last one?" Billy asked.

Orlando glanced over at Elijah. "I jerked off while watching Lij in Forever Young. It made me feel dirty, but it was really fucking hot."

Elijah stared at Orlando in shock.

"Ew," said Sean. "Way, way too much information!"

"That's fantastic!" said Dom, admiringly. "I wish I'd thought of that one!"

Elijah burst out laughing, rolling over onto his back and kicking his legs in the air with glee. "You pervert," he managed between giggles. "That is such an obvious lie!"

Orlando just went right on smiling as he took another mouthful of beer.

"Well, I can't tell," said Sean. "They all sound like lies to me."

"I dunno," said Dom. "My cock is very pretty."

With a final hiccough of laughter, Elijah said, "I'm going for the crying jag during The Goonies. He was probably peeling onions or something."

Billy was very tempted to choose the vomit option, but hesitated. On the one hand, he was still pissed off about the wanton destruction of his weed, right when it had been ready to smoke, and it would certainly be worth a good deal to know for sure that Orlando wasn't the culprit. But on the other hand... Billy hated losing at TMI. It was a matter of pride.

So. Crying, perving, puking or wanking? Billy weighed all that he knew about Orlando's character. He considered body language and voice modulation.

He eenie, meenie, minie, mo-ed.

"Time's nearly up," Orlando said, not looking particularly worried.

"Well," said Billy, "I think I'll be choosing number four. The Forever wank."

Orlando smiled.

Billy felt a pang of uncertainty.

"It's uncanny," Orlando said, crumpling the empty beer can with a woomph. "How do you do it?"

"What?" said Elijah.

"What?" said Dom.

"Oh my God," said Sean.

"I did the tell on Dom's cock." Orlando dropped the beer can onto the carpet. "What gave me away?"

"What!" said Elijah.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," said Dom.

"Way, way, way too much information," said Sean. "Have I said before that I hate this game?"

Billy shrugged. "Lucky guess."

Orlando snorted. "Typical. I suppose you want me to clean your bathroom with a toothbrush now?"

"Excuse me," said Elijah. "What?"

"Give it a rest, Lij," said Dom. "He was probably... peeling onions or something at the time. Semantics, you know."

"Yeah. Semen antics," muttered Sean.

Elijah clapped his hands over his ears. "I didn't hear that."

"No," said Billy to Orlando. "I save cleaning the bathroom just for Dom."

"Hey!" Dom pouted.

"I've got a much better idea," Billy said, and leaned forward to finger the bottle in the middle of the circle.

"Uh-oh," said Sean.

"What uh-oh?" said Elijah, lowering his hands.

"As we have a bottle here," said Billy, "why don't we put it to its traditional use?"

There was a beat of silence as the penny dropped.

"Wait a minute," said Dom. "You mean spin the bottle? You mean he has to kiss one of us?"

"Seems appropriate," Billy replied, "under the circumstances," and with a dramatic flourish, "Let the punishment fit the crime."

"I'm not kissing him!" said Elijah, with great indignation. "He's had lewd thoughts about me!"

"You'd rather kiss someone who hasn't had lewd thoughts about you?" Orlando asked, in an entirely reasonable way that had Elijah's hand itching to give him a good slapping.

Before Elijah could answer, Billy asked, "Is that an objection?"

"No." Sean whacked Elijah on the knee. "It's not."

Elijah opened his mouth.

Sean whacked him again. "Because Dom insisted on the stupid objection penalty, remember."

"Oh, yeah," said Dom, and shrugged at Elijah. "Sorry about that."

"Look on the bright side," Orlando said, as he set the bottle in motion with a deft flick of the wrist. "It might not even land on you. It might land on Billy, and he'll be hoist by his own petard."

"It better fucking not," said Elijah, glaring. "What are you? Some kind of two-timer as well as a pervert?"

All of them stared at Elijah with varying degrees of surprise, while the bottle spun around the circle four and a half times.

And then it stopped.

* * *

::puts on mean hat:: Ha ha ha! And I'm never going to write more, special_trille. Neveeerrrrrrr!

(PS--::takes off mean hat:: I hope you're feeling better, Sweetheart.)

(PPS--Scot just gave me titles for three more chapters: SOS, PDQ, and TLC. ::le sigh::)

Scot sez: Titles she'll never use. Cuz she's a meanie!! Muaaahahahaha. *Scot exits*.
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