cupidsbow (cupidsbow) wrote,

Slash Meta: "8 ways not to write a fanfic" by cupidsbow

Title: 8 ways not to write a fanfic
Author: cupidsbow
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: PG-15
Notes: Why yes, yes I have been trawling Why do you ask? Also, and not co-incidentally, this is a raw first draft; unspellchecked, unbetaed, and not even re-read. In case you're wondering, it's brilliant genius stuff and I love it really a lot. You should definitely read and comment. If you do, I promise not to write more of it :) ETA: Now with a glorious full-colour cover by the genius sandrainthesun (comment here). I'm sorry y'all, but this means there is going to be a sequel. With unicorns. Oh, yes.

'8 ways not to write a fanfic' cover by sandrainthesun


It was a cold, wintery night as Rodney stood alone on his balcony, looking up at the alien moons, listening to the melancholy wash of the sea below. All he had ever wanted was love, but after Duranda, he knew he was never going to be loved by the one he wanted.

Rodney had wanted the cocky pilot, John Sheppard, from the first moment he'd seen his crazy, untameable hair in Antarctica. Wanted him from that first wide-eyed, "Did I do that?" But now Rodney knew all his dreams and hopes were destroyed, having seen the coldness in John's eyes when Rodney had tried to apologise.

Rodney bit back a sob. If he couldn't have John, everything was pointless, and it was so ironic that it was only now, now that he'd lost everything, that Rodney finally understood his sister Jeannie's choice to make a family and give up science. Rodney would give anything to make the same choice with John.

Inside, Rodney's iPod started playing Celine Dion, and it made something in Rodney's chest feel like it was breaking.


Major John Sheppard, Military Commander of Atlantis, stared hungrily after Rodney's retreating ass. It was day three After Duranda, and his plan to drive Rodney so crazy he'd finally fall into John's bed was going perfectly.

John rubbed his hands together. Yes. A few more days of the cold shoulder, and Rodney would be so desperate to please, he'd do anything. It was perfect!

John ignored the little pang, deep inside that said Rodney had suffered enough. After all, Rodney had betrayed him. A little suffering in return was only fair.


Doctor Rodney McKay, Chief Scientist of Atlantis, knew he wasn't very good with people. It was just a fact of life. Oh, sure, he was a genius, but only in the things that were quantifiable, unlike messy human emotions.

Of course, that theory had all been blown to shit when he really started to understand Uncertainty Theory, and yet he still couldn't understand what it meant that John Sheppard, Major Pain in the Ass, was insisting Rodney stay on the team. Even as John refused to look Rodney in the eye, or kick him under the table, as had been his wont during meetings before Duranda. But it was all done now. Rodney bit back a whimper at the loss... but just then John -- and Rodney should really go back to calling him Sheppard again now, he supposed -- leaned back in his chair, pushing a little away from the conference table, just enough for Rodney to see the strip of bare skin where his tight black t-shirt was riding up.

Rodney shivered in reaction. Oh, God. He was doomed. How could he leave Atlantis now? Even though it was torture to stay, leaving would be worse if it meant he never got to be ignored by John again!

"Okay!"Elizabeth said, tapping her fingers on the table. "I agree, John! Rodney should stay on the team. Moving on--"

"Thank the Ancestors," muttered Teyla.



I saw Rodney, just standing there, staring up at the moon, the heartbreaking strains of Celine Dion wafting across the space between us, separating us, and I knew that I couldn't break his heart any more. Maybe I couldn't forgive him yet, but he had to know I still respected his work, and could treat him professionally in the field. Yes, I was going to speak to Elizabeth and insist Rodney stayed on team. That much I could do.

It would be hard. Just looking at the stab of pain in Rodney's eyes every time I turned my back made something in my chest seize up. Ever since that moment Kolya had taken a knife to him, I'd known it was love. But that just made it harder to forgive him, not easier, when Rodney had done the equivalent of stabbing a knife into me during Duranda.

It made me wonder if love was always like this; a constant cycle of unintended pain.

Rodney turned to go inside, and my heart screamed -- just one more minute -- it had been so long since I'd had a chance to look my fill at anything but his luscious ass. But it was not to be. He turned and walked away, and I was left alone on the balcony, with nothing but the lonely cry of a distant seabird breaking the still of the night just like the loss of our friendship was slowly breaking my heart.

end flashback


Rodney steeled himself. He was going to have to do it. Right after the meeting. It was time to face facts. He was never going to have Jo... no, Sheppard, and he was sick to death of pretending otherwise. Sheppard would never admit there was anything more than friendship between them -- not even that now -- and it was time Rodney stopped being a doormat. Dammit! Sheppard was practically lying by pretending there was nothing between them! How was Rodney meant to trust him now?

John pushed away from the lunch table, once more not looking at Rodney as he said goodbye to the rest of the team, and Rodney's heart cried out at the unfairness of it. God, he just wanted to run after John, drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness. Or maybe offer a blowjob. But, no! He banished that thought from his mind. John was worth so much more than a tawdry fuck. But Rodney had to try to forget all that now. He was done with Sheppard. Done.

"So done!" Rodney said, trying out the shape of the word, seeing if he really meant it.

"Awesome," Ronon said, snatching up Rodney's jello.


Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Tonight I wanna give it all to you
In the darkness
There's so much I wanna do
And tonight I wanna lay it at your feet
cause girl, I was made for you
And girl, you were made for me

Tonight was the night! John's plan was finally going to come to fruition. He was going to make Rodney get on his knees and beg... and then he was going to plow Rodney's ass!

I was made for lovin' you baby
You were made for lovin' me
And I can't get enough of you baby
Can you get enough of me?

The only thing that would make it better was if Rodney loved him back. But John pushed that wish away and locked it at the back of his heart. Sex would be enough. It would have to be.

John could no longer trust Rodney enough to risk giving him his heart.

"Dude!" one of the marines paused in his inventory count, and turned to Seargent Paxton, "Turn it up. I love this part!"

Oh, can't get enough, oh, oh
I can't get enough, oh, oh
I can't get enough
Yeah, ha

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do


Pushed too far by despair, Rodney walks along the east pier in a fog of misery. How can he give John up? How? It would be easier to re-charge a ZPM than give up this longing he felt for the tow-headed Major. Wait... Rodney paused, mid-step, suddenly inspired. Re-charging the ZPM! Of course. How had he not seen how before?

He turned abruptly to rush back to the lab and tell Zelenka, just as a marine shouted, "Heads-up, Doc!"

But it was too late. The last thing Rodney saw was a frisbee headed straight towards his precious brain... and then darkness swallowed him whole.

"Shit," a fading voice said from very far away, "the Colonel's going to kill us if we've broken his fuck buddy."


John stood beside the infirmary bed, staring down at Rodney's still, pale body. After hours of scanning Rodney's head, Dr Beckett had said he would live, but that amnesia was likely when Rodney woke up.

It was all so clear now. John had been cruel, had hurt Rodney to the bottom of his soul. And he couldn't do it anymore. He had to tell Rodney the truth! The minute he woke up! Even if Rodney didn't know who John was! Life was too short to waste on useless recriminations!

John leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to Rodney's lips.

Rodney's eyes fluttered open. "John," he said, one week hand coming up to rest in the touselled, messy nest of John's hair. "Is this a dream?"

"No, Rodney," John said, kissing him again. "It's just a wake-up call. I'm sorry I've been such a jerk. You know I love you, right?"

Rodney peered up at him shyly. "You do? I mean, of course you do. I love you too."

"Oh my god, I'm going to be sick," said Captain Hjortsen from the next bed, just before vomiting into the kidney basin thrust under her chin by nurse Cattalan.

"I'm so happy," Rodney said, tears filling his eyes. "Although I have this terrible feeling I've forgotten something important."

"Forget about that," John said. Then he wiggled his eyebrows and whispered, "All that matters is that as soon as we're alone I'm going to fuck you limp."

"Yes," said Rodney, his heart swelling with uncontainable joy. "Use me the way I deserve until you can trust me again."

Swallowing the lump in his throat, John leaned forward and kissed him again, burrowing into his mouth like a parasite that was never going to leave. Because as far as John was concerned, they were joined forever now, and they'd work everything else out later.


* * *

Author's final note: I've needed to get that off my chest for a while now. *squishes fic*

ETA: You guys rock so much! These comments are hilarious. Thank you!

Daughter of ETA: On to the sequel, With 6 You Get Unicorns.
Tags: fiction, sga, slash

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