cupidsbow (cupidsbow) wrote,

Christmas Musings

I've had such a weird Christmas -- nice, but weird.

Ages ago, I decided to stop actively celebrating Christmas, because it just made me grumpy and stressed (and I'm not a Christian, so I felt hypocritical celebrating it too). Instead, I celebrate New Year -- out with the old, in the the new. For me, Christmas Day isn't a big deal; it's just a nice, quiet day.

I had several offers to share Christmas this year, and as I've embarked on my Be More Social campaign, I figured I'd go to one of them. But I felt oddly lethargic, and in the end, I just stayed home and read and wrote and napped and it was lovely. Sometimes there's nothing better than being a hermit, you know? I was feeling a bit guilty about this, though, wondering: Have I become tired of people already? Surely not. I've only been on my Be More Social campaign for a few weeks!

Anyway, today I no longer have PMS, and I feel almost ready to hang out with people again. Mystery solved!

You know what else was weird, though? I've been having this really odd love/hate thing going on with writing. When I'm actually doing it, I love it, and it feels so good. Just. God. It's never been better. And then I stop and get a cup of tea or whatever, and I have a panic attack at the thought of starting again.

After weeks of this, I finally figured out it was the deadlines. I've obviously just hit my stress threshold on deadlines. I wish I'd realised this sooner, as it meant that I couldn't meet my exchange deadlines this year -- every time I thought about working on the stories I felt like I was going to die. Seriously, I should not be feeling the kind of stress over a Christmas story that I felt over my PhD. That is just so wrong.

Now that I have twigged to the problem, I've decided to add another thing to my list of New Year's resolutions. As well as not volunteering for anything in 2009, I'm not allowed to sign up for anything with a deadline. All my writing shall be entirely for pleasure. 2009 is going to be a year of Having Fun and Being More Social! There will be no homework!

What a liberating thing to have as a resolution. But what will life be like without homework? It will be interesting to find out! I do wish I'd come to this realisation sooner though. I hate defaulting on things. I still feel pretty stressed and terrible about that.

In happier news, I have totally fallen for Torchwood. Is there anything more delicious than getting a new fandom for Christmas? I've seen all of season one and read some amazing fic. Ah, timetravel paradoxes. How I love you! I think I might have to write in this fandom.

And now I am off to write some more, hopefully without feeling like I'm going to die, and then maybe a nap, and then I think I shall wander down to sing-along to Mama Mia. What a perfect, perfect day.
Tags: life
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