cupidsbow (cupidsbow) wrote,

The importance of nothing

You know how sometimes days just slide by and you feel like you've achieved nothing? That's what the last couple of weeks have been like for me. Largely due to hormones I suspect. Stupid hormones.

These moments of fruitless time are so frustrating, because usually my 'empty time' is actually productive thinking time. On the topic of which -- I found this science report the other day and laughed: Study links daydreaming to problem-solving. So much yes. I do all my best thinking while daydreaming and/or walking while listening to music. From the outside? I seem to be faffing off. But from the inside, my brain is a powerhouse of abstract thinking! That's my story anyway. :)

You know what I really want to do? Kick-start my brain by writing drabbles. I'm hesitant to ask for prompts, though, as I hate defaulting on things, and I'm not with it enough to follow through at the moment. So I've been looking around at things like st_xi_kink. *boggles* So many, many prompts! And... I don't want to write any of them. How can that be?

On the other hand, I'm still thinking up epically long Torchwood fics, complete with time paradoxes and embarrassing emo kidfic other action/adventure type things. Wish I had the energy to start any of them. There are three, in particular, that I really adore and can see so clearly. One's a time paradox accidental marriage fic. One's a rift-accident kidfic. And last, but by no means least (oh. my. god. the immensity of the plot), one is a timey-wimey romantic comedy marriage and kidfic.

Yeah, I'm seeing a pattern too. :)

Look, I did say I wanted to write established relationship fic in this fandom, and it turns out I really really meant it. And I kind of desperately want to write these stories as more than storytime transcripts, because they are golden, and make my chest feel all scrunchy with longing the way only my best story ideas do; but every time I open the word processor, I wimp out. It's not writer's block -- the stories are right there at the tip of my brain. I just don't have the emotional energy to invest in such big projects. BUT I WANT THEM SO BAD!

It's a real Catch 22.

I've been having a lot of original SF ideas too lately. It's very enjoyable to have a brain that is once more teeming with stories. Not so enjoyable to feel like a limp dishrag most of the time, though.

*waves guiltily at all the friends I've not talked to in weeks*
Tags: life, links, rant, torchwood
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