cupidsbow (cupidsbow) wrote,

vomitous kisses

This week, I have read three separate stories in which a character vomits, and then a moment later -- without a scene-break, or even the most basic clean-up -- shares a passionate first kiss with their beloved.

My eewwwwww-level cannot be textually rendered. *swills mouthwash compulsively and presses back-button a lot*

I also read a story this week in which a character was bursting to go to the loo... and then was 'pleasantly' surprised when they actually went to the loo almost immediately thereafter (for a value of 'pleasant' in which I was a) not inadvertently thrust from the story by a loss of plausibility, and b) enjoyably disgusted by the character -- it was clever characterisation). In my experience, it is much more common for the character with the full bladder to engage in extended foreplay and sex, with nary a golden shower in the mix.

(And again, I say: eeewwwwwwwwwww. Honestly, golden showers would be more pleasant than the way I writhe in vicarious bladder discomfort while I read those scenes.)

Look, I actually think bodily functions can be interesting in stories (and I'm not even talking about sex here). But I kind of want the tooth-brush scene before the kissing scene. You know? Or else, I want there to be a plausible response to the lack of clean-up.

I can't be alone in this?

Do you have pet peeves about implausible bodily functions in fic? (I'm taking the Zombie Hand of Rob Lowe as read here: we all know of the sex scenes gone wrong, as they have been well document already.) Like a character with an injured hand suddenly playing the violin, or someone with extreme hypothermia suddenly getting frisky, or a character eating way too many serves of food or drink without getting sick, or a very specific but wrong amount of time going by to explain healing.

Or have you been pleasantly surprised by bodily function plausibility, in which people need to do something and then actually do it, and it serves a purpose in the story?

Talk to me.

Share your horror stories, links, recs, funny anecdotes about characters letting it all hang out. Let's see if we can expand out lexicon of grievious bodily (in)dignity a bit. ;)

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Tags: discussion, meta
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